Remembering…Missing….Mom…

Hi folks.

Today there is no recipe. No giggling, crazy Lunatic. Today marks the anniversary of my Mom’s passing. I thought sharing some words and pictures with you to mark the occasion would be a nice way to share a bit more about my life with you. My Mom passed away a long time ago. I was 15 when she died. She was 47. It was March 5th, 1984. I can remember it like it was yesterday. The day that changed everything.

My Mom was one of those people who was always up for a laugh. She enjoyed having fun and getting silly. The running joke was it wasn’t a party till the girls got loaded and took their teeth out. For some reason they thought this was absolutely hilarious to do. I cannot tell you how many pictures of my mother we have where she’s absolutely tipsy and toothless. Quite an odd memory but one I was reminded of today by photos that popped up of her on facebook.

We entertained ourselves differently back in the day. We would all sit around the table and my mom and aunts would pull out a tape recorder and we would make up songs and commercials and do skits on it. Hours and hours of amusement. We would do just about anything to make each other laugh. I have such fond memories of those days.

I think my Mom was hell-bent on making the most of the time she had. She tried hard to make us kids laugh and have fun in life. Our lives were a bit difficult, not the easiest of childhoods. Without getting too in-depth I’ll just say my Dad was a hard man, difficult to live with. My Mom seemed to go out of her way to make up for that, to lighten our load even though her own was heavy. Looking back on it now I am not sure where she found the strength to always put on a happy face to greet the day. She was our protector and our friend, not quite your typical mother. She hung out with our friends and made them laugh. She wanted to know what went on in our lives. And she shielded us from an overbearing (don’t get me wrong, I loved my Dad) father whose standards were impossible to reach. He would ground us and she would let us go out the second he was gone. He would tell us not to hang out with certain kids, and she would have those kids over for lunch. She didn’t do it to be defiant, he never knew, she did it to give us a more normal childhood. Otherwise we’d have never had one. I am grateful to her for making sure we were allowed to be kids.

I also think back and wonder how she tolerated us. She did everything. Honestly when she passed none of us knew how to cook or clean. I don’t even remember making my own bed. She was the housewife you read about back in the day. Did it all, put up with it all and was quite likely miserable doing it. I am not sure we ever told her how much we appreciated her, or loved her. We weren’t a demonstrative type of family. Hugs were not something we did. Feelings were not something we did. Looking back if there was one thing I could change I think that would be it. But you can’t go back, only forwards.

I miss her, and no amount of time makes it hurt less. I think as time passes our coping skills just improve. I wish she had known my kids. She would have been an amazing grandmother to them and my brother’s kids. They will never have the memories I have of her. That makes my heart hurt.

I remember her riding on the rotor at Bob-Lo Island and sliding down yelling for them to stop the ride.

I remember her on vacation in the Rockies running like Rocky Balboa and singing the theme song in her sling back sandals she insisted on hiking in, falling a** over tea kettle down the slope while we all watched in horror then died laughing when we knew she was okay.

I remember her sitting on top of me and pinning my arms down while trying to look at my skin and us laughing like complete lunatics at how absurd we were. 

I remember her sitting on the patio and hanging out like the cool mom with my boyfriend, who she admitted she hated when she pulled me into the garage to tell me to date the other dude who was with him, “you know that C’Paul fellow”. I am now married to that dude.

I remember sneaking out of the camper to feed the deer bread we were suppose to be eating for breakfast, she was so happy that day.

I remember being at a gas station with a canteen and we were grabbing drinks when the lady slammed the partition down, we turned around to see a bear behind us. I remember trying to reach out to pet the “cute little bear”, while my Mom tried to get me behind her till my Dad brought the car to save us.

I remember going to the drive in with her when the guys went camping and we stayed out late and ate all kinds of stuff my Dad didn’t let us eat. We ordered pizza that weekend and ate popcorn and let the house look a fright. Was an amazing weekend. 

I remember feeding a chipmunk on a family vacation and talking about it for weeks after.

I remember her taking me to horseback riding lessons and smiling the whole time we were there. I was made to quit after a short time. I grew up and bought my own horse. She would have loved that.

Mom, my Dad took these photos

Mom and Dad's wedding

Mom at the house they had built, we now own the house

Mom playing pool

Scott, Me, Mom and Ken

Me and Mom, on my birthday getting my very first Kitty who I aptly named Kitty!

My fave photo of Me and my Mom

Mom and Scott, Flowerpot Island in the background

Ken, Mom and Me

Scott, Mom, Me and Ken

Ken, Me, Deb, Mom and Scott

Who we become is shaped so much by our moms. It is also shaped so much by the events in our childhood. I wouldn’t really change a thing about how we grew up otherwise I wouldn’t be me. But I’d give up anything in the world to have a couple more hours to talk to my Mom now that I’m an adult. There are so many things I’d like to ask her. To tell her. But we can’t go back, only forward.

This is something I have etched into a stone in our yard, in her garden. I picked it up at a gift store. I also have a similar one in my Dad’s garden. We bought my folks home and have a garden dedicated to each of them. This is on the stone in my Mom’s:

We thought of you today,
But that is nothing new.
We thought of you yesterday
And will tomorrow, too.

We think of you in silence
And make no outward show.
For what it meant to lose you
Only those who love you know.

Remembering you is easy,
We do it everyday.
It’s the heartache of losing you
That will never go away.

Toodles and smoochies! xx

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Comments

  1. 1

    I am sorry for your loss, because loss never gets easier, but I also want to commend you on your loving heart. You are a wonderful person, and it seems like you go a lot of that from your mom.
    *hugs*

  2. 4

    Thank you for sharing this post, it made me stop and think for a while, and appreciate the good things. Here’s to amazing moms!

    • 5
      Kim Bee says:

      I figure it’s the least I can do to remember her and honour her. Glad it made it an impact. xx

  3. 6

    What sweet memories you have of your mom! This was a tear jerker but I made my way through it. Thanks for sharing your memories with us <3

    • 7
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks Dee. Glad you made it through. This is one of the first posts I had to stop and break while writing. A bit overwhelming. xx

  4. 8

    Kim, thanks for sharing such a beautiful memories about your mom. Sending you a big warm hug…

  5. 10
    Charlie says:

    Kim: I am so sorry that you have lost your Mama.
    I lost my Daddy a few years ago, and I just can’t imagine losing my Mama.
    I am praying for you and yours today.

    Charlie

    • 11
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks so much Charlie. I lost my Dad as well 5 years ago, took care of him while he had cancer. Hard losing your folks. No matter how old we get they are still our Mommies and Daddies. Just the way it is. Sorry about your Dad. Big hug. xx

  6. 12

    Kim… this post was incredible. I could see the love and adoration you have for you mother with every single word!! She was not in your life as long as she or you could ever wish, but her time here was profound and meaningful. She sounds like such an amazing mother and that’s why you are such an amazing mother and person. You keep her legacy going on by always remembering her. I know she is looking down from heaven and thrilled to see the woman you have grown up to be and the mother you are to your children! Sending a big hug to you on this day of remembrance!! ~ Ramona

    • 13
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks so much Ramona. You are so sweet. Your words meant a lot to me. It was hard to write about but it’s such a huge part of my life I felt I should share it. Big hug right back at ya. xx

  7. 14

    I’m so sorry for your loss Kim.Your mom sounds like a really fun and a nice person.Thanks for sharing such beautiful memories with your mom.Hugs..

    • 15
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks so much Soni. She was a hoot and a half. Glad I shared this with you all. Hugs back at ya. xx

  8. 16

    So touching. What a lovely way to remember your mom. Hugs!

    • 17
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks so much Kristy. I tend to get very reflective this time of year. Had to share it. Hugs back at ya. xx

  9. 18

    What a great post. I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through. You stay positive throughout it and that’s pretty amazing. You have great memories of your mom and I think that’s the best part, I love the she knew you’re now hubby would be good for you. Hope all the foodie love will cheer you up today!

    • 19
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks so much Lacy. It is so funny that it took me years to remember the conversation about which boy I should be dating. Odd how things work out. She was right. She was always right. Lol. xx

  10. 20

    Thank you for sharing your story and your lovely pictures with us. I lost my father (an easy going, fun-loving man) when I was not much older than you were then and I understand.

    • 21
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks for reading Anita. Losing a parent is rough. I tend to get a bit down around the date they died each year. Can’t seem to help myself. So sorry about your Dad. xx

  11. 22

    Such a beautiful touching post. I loved it. thank you for sharing.

  12. 24

    Kim, my heart aches for you today. This is such a beautiful and touching tribute to your mom.

  13. 26

    A beautiful tribute to your mom, Kim – thanks so much for sharing with us. She sounds like a wonderful person who loved you very much. Your post made me want to call my own mom and realize how lucky I am to still have her with me. Thanks for that. XO

    • 27
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks so much Mellissa. She was amazing. I hope a lot of people called their Moms after reading this. You are very lucky to have her. They may drive us nuts sometimes but no one loves you like your mom does. xx

  14. 28

    *big hugs Kim* I hope you are hanging in there. I know how much you cherished your time with her, and I’m sure she is looking down on you and smiling.

    I love the photos :)

    • 29
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks so much Miss Amy. I was lucky to have such a quirky funny mother. I have tons of great memories of her. Some of the shots just cut me to the core. I have more to post on her birthday later this month. Miss her something awful. xx

  15. 30

    Kim, thanks so much for posting this! I really enjoyed reading it. Your mom sounds like such an amazing woman! And I’m sure she’s so proud of who you are.

    • 31
      Kim Bee says:

      Aw thanks Erika. You are so sweet and I appreciate that so much. I was so lucky to have such a great mom. xx

  16. 32

    Nice tribute to your mom. They stay with us always.

  17. 34

    Kim, I’m sending my big hugs. You were so young when you lost your mom, yet you have wonderful memories with her. Your favorite pic and your first kitty pic made me emotional. After becoming a mom, I can appreciate tiny little things in life and I treasure every moment with my kids. Life is short and you just never know. You have full of great memories with her which you still remember clearly. Your mom is watching you and must be very proud. Now you are making us laugh all the time and cheer us up. :-)

    • 35
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks Nami. I am lucky to have had her. She was a remarkable lady. I am so glad my brother shared these pics with me so I could share them with everyone. Thanks so much for your kind, sweet words. It means so much to me. xx

  18. 36

    Love this. Your mom would be so proud. You make me cherish my Mama more and want to go hug her right now! Love that poem at the end too :)

    • 37
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks Desi. Moms are amazing people, no one ever loves you like a mother. Glad you took the time to read this and leave a comment. It means so much to me. xx

  19. 38

    Oh, Kim. This was beautiful. I want to reach out and hug that 15 year old girl who lost her mother. I want to reach out and hug you now!

    • 39
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks Carolyn. I’ll take those hugs for sure. I am trying to prep myself to look at more photos my brother sent. I still feel too shaky today. Most days I am at peace with things, but once or twice a year I’m like a puddle. Thanks so much for reading and being so sweet. It means the world to me. xx

  20. 40

    This post was a wonderful tribute to a very special person. It made me stop and think, to go and appreciate my own mother which is something one should do all the time. I do understand that your loss must never feel better but your memories and you being the wonderful person your mother brought up keep her alive. Beautiful post my friend.

    Choc Chip Uru

  21. 42

    that was a beautiful tribute to your mother….you are in my heart today and I’m sorry for your loss.

  22. 44

    Aww Kim, what a truly heartfelt post. When we spoke on twitter last night I didn’t realize that you had posted this. What a warm and loving rememberance piece. My thoughts are with you. Beautiful. Suzi

    • 45
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks so much Suzi. I hesitated to promote this one but I think people should read it if for no other reason than to gain some perspective and go hug their mamas. I wish I had that opportunity. Thanks for your support and kindness. It means alot. xx

  23. 46

    Wow, Kim… what a touching post. Beautifully written and such a great way to remember, what sounds to be, a wonderful mother. I know that it was a long time ago but I am still so sorry for your loss. This is an incredible reminder to appreciate the people in our lives while we can and tell them that we love them as often as possible.

    • 47
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks so much Lauren. That is really why I wanted to post this. I have friends who complain about their moms and while I understand they can drive us batty, I’d give anything for my mom to be here. So I wanted to give some perspective and share some personal stories with everyone.

  24. 48

    This is such a beautiful post and tribute to your mother. She sounds like she was a wonderful woman and I loved that you shared these photos with us! Hugs!

    • 49
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks so much Stephanie. I am so glad that you liked it and it’s been so well received. I was nervous putting it out there.

  25. 50

    I enjoyed reading your post, particularly about your mom. I’m a single mom bringing up my kids and there’s a huge gap as you probably know between what you want for your kids and what your kids want, especially when they’re teenagers. What seems really apparent to me is that your mom truly loved all of you and wanted the best for you. Lots of pictures of her spending time with you. Her feelings are obvious when you see her looking at all of you in the pictures. Look at her while she’s holding your kitten, her smile says it all. She loved her kids and loved to make them happy. Great memories!

    • 51
      Kim Bee says:

      You are so sweet. Thank you so much for your kind words. You really made my day brighter with this. I appreciate it so much. xx

  26. 52

    Your mom was so young. What a great post in her memory. Thanks for sharing them all.

  27. 54

    Kim,
    Thank you so much for sharing all of your beautiful memories of your Mom, and so sorry for your loss. Your wonderful tribute to your Mom, reminded me of similar situations with my Mom and Aunt, sitting at the kitchen table, shooting the breeze. My mom passed away 5 years, this coming July. Thanks for the reflections.

    • 55
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks so much for coming by Becky. I am so sorry for your loss as well. It was such a different time back when we were kids. People talked more, communication was way more personal. I miss that.

  28. 56

    That is such a beautiful story the way you told it. I’m sorry for your loss and some of the things you may have gone through as a child. I’m sure in many ways it has made you stronger and who you are today.

    I lost my dad almost 23 years ago – one month before the birth of my daughter. Losing a parent or loved one is never easy. Like you said you just learn to cope a little better as time goes by but never forget.

    It’s funny how when I look at a photo I can remember everything that happened at that moment and on that day, just like you.

    It’s nice to have those memories. I don’t know about you, but when I’m feeling bad I go pay my dad a visit at the cemetary and have a chat. Somehow I know he’s listening. I feel better after that. You might give it a try sometime.

    Thanks for sharing your mom with us, she seemed like a wonderful person.

    • 57
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks Vicki. I am so sorry you lost your dad. It’s never easy losing a parent. I visited the cemetery today. I wanted to go up the other day but I had a violently ill puppy at home. So today I took some time to stop in. It’s not far from me so I visit quite often. I also do that, when I feel blue I just stop in randomly and it always reconnects me to both my folks. I always come away a little more at peace with things. Thank you so much for you kind words.

  29. 58

    Hugs to you and your family Kim.

  30. 60
    Ann Feutrill says:

    Thank you for sharing such a beautiful tribute to your Mum…..it touched my heart profoundly. I lost my Dad when I was 14….he was the centre of my world and even though you learn to cope, the sadness is ever present.

    • 61
      Kim Bee says:

      You said that so beautifully Ann. It is so true. It just stays with you under the surface all the time. Then something reminds you of them and it bubbles up. I am so sorry you lost your dad. It’s a horrible thing to go through. Thanks for sharing your personal story with me. It means a lot to me. xx

  31. 62

    This was a wonderful post, Kim. Thank you for sharing your sweet memories with us. I am so glad you wrote them down. It’s like giving your kids a permanent link to your mom.

    My dad lost his father when he was fifteen, too, leaving him with the harsher parent, my grandmother. He rarely talks about his dad, but when he does, I can hear the ache of loss in his voice even half a century later.

    • 63
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks Kristen. It is such a great release to be able to write about it. And you are so right, having that digital imprint out there makes it easier for the kids and her family to connect to her through me.

      It is hard to be left with the harsher parent. I was home with my dad and two brothers. My sis lives far away. It made being a teenager a bit tough not having any female influence. I think that’s why I get along so well with dudes. I lived with my dad, two brothers and at various times different friends of my brothers’ and a cousin. It was me and a house full of dudes at all times. I think that’s why I come off as so stoic and harsh to some people. I interact like a guy. Lol!

  32. 64
    Lora @cakeduchess says:

    Your post makes my heart fill with sadness for you missing your awesome mom. Love all the photos and every beautiful word. Such a sweet and touching post. sending you many hugs.

  33. 66

    This is a wonderful tribute to your mom. I’m so sorry you had to lose her when you were so young. There’s just no getting over that is there? I lost my mom far too soon as well so your story really touched me. The photos really show her wonderful spirit that has obviously been passed on to her daughter :)

    • 67
      Kim Bee says:

      Thanks Valerie. I always say it marks us. And we tend to recognize others like us. It just impacts you so much. It’s hard to explain to people who haven’t suffered that loss yet. But it just changes everything. But I do believe you have to move forward and not get stuck in the past. I do well most of the year but a few times a year the pain just overtakes me.

      Thanks so much for your sweet comment. I almost cried and we all know that is not easy to get me to do. Hugs to you for your loss as well. xx

  34. 68

    What a touching post, Kim. Your mom would be proud of the wonderful mom, wife and friend you’ve become….I’d say you have quite a bit of her wonderful spirit in you. So she is living on through you. I am so sorry you lost her way to soon.

    PS…I love that favorite photo of you two as well. Priceless.

    • 69
      Kim Bee says:

      Aw thanks so much Liz. Stop or you’ll make me cry.

      It is such a nice pic. I have a similar pose of me and mini-me. It’s fun to see the two shots on the curio together.

  35. 70

    Such a touching tribute to your mom. I’m so sorry that you lost her so early, but it truly seems that you inherited a lot of wonderful qualities from her. Sending you a big hug!

  36. 72

    I am so sorry for your loss, Kim. She was a beautiful mother and I am sure she’d be so proud of you.

    Loads of hugs.

  37. 74

    What a nice post in honor of your mom. Thank you for sharing. She was beautiful.

  38. 76

    What a lovely person your Mom was, Kim. She seem to have squeezed all the fun she could in her short life. She is so my type of person. I remember the pre-technology days when people actually talked and chatted and laughed and played games. Those were the good old days.

  39. 78

    This post made me smile – such a lovely tribute to your mother. I’m sending you a big squeeze from my end of the cosmos…

    xox

  40. 80

    Thank you for sharing you special memories. Your post brought tears and smiles. An extraordinary post!

  41. 81

    I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine and you were so young. This is a beautiful tribute post and it is very apparent that she lives on through you.

  42. 83

    Aww Kim, that was such a lovely post. Your mom sounds like an amazing woman, thank you for sharing your memories. I love that she knew you should be dating your husband before you did! Also a great reminder to appreciate our loved ones every day :)

  43. 84

    Kim, you’ve brought tears to my eyes with this lovely tribute to your mother. Mine is still around so it is a good reminder to love her all the more. Those two photos of you and your mum really say it all.

  44. 85

    An absolutely beautiful post. It is never easy to lose someone so close. I go through all of those feelings not only on the anniversary of my mom’s passing but on mother’s day as well. Hugs to you and keep those happy memories going. (I am finally getting a chance to read some older posts and this one really spoke to me). Take care.

    • 86

      Thanks so much Lori. It can be so hard certain times of the year. Much love and sorry you’ve also lost your Mom. It’s a rough road without a Mom around.

  45. 87

    Thanks…I to lost my mom at 10 yrs old july 21st 1974 . My Dad the following year I am now 48 and still to this day cry for my mom…dad was not a dad so I dont miss him …..it is a hard weekend for me coming up and reading this really touched home for me . I hope my kids look back as you did at the fond memories. God bless ya.

    • 88
      Kim Bee says:

      Awe, Steve I am so sorry for your loss. I’m also very empathetic for you right now. Some times of the year hit closer to home than others. So I know where you’re coming from. Just remember her fondly and my best advice is to feel it. Don’t feel guilty about being sad. There’s nothing wrong with missing our loved ones. Just don’t let it stop you from moving forward. Miss her and mourn, and move on as best you can. I think about my mom almost every day. I hope you are okay and thank you for reaching out. I’ll be thinking about you this weekend and sending good vibes your way. Never hesitate to stop by here or reach me by email if you ever need someone to listen. Kim xx

      • 89

        Thanks Kim….just it seems like it never goes away…the emptiness….hearing songs especially around this time. I always wonder why for all these years it seems like yesterday to me yet so long ago……thanks for the kind words .

Trackbacks

  1. [...] me miss my Mom more than normal. For regular readers you know I lost her when I was 15. I’ve written about her before. I just tend to be on edge on Mother’s Day. Nothing horrible, no crying or moping. I enjoy my [...]

  2. [...] time. But Father’s Day is a particularly rough holiday, as is Mother’s Day for me. I lost my Mom when I was 15 to heart disease. So for me these holidays are a bit of a roller coaster ride. I have [...]

  3. […] post where I made her Apple Crisp, or this post, or this post with an oven fry recipe, and also this remembrance post. You can find her favourite Peanut Butter Cookie recipe on the site […]

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