Checkerboard Cookies for Christmaspalooza

Hi folks. I wanted to launch Christmaspalooza awhile back but with everything that has been going on I just never got around to it. I shall have to squeeze as much as possible into the last couple of weeks before Christmas. Have lots of fun things to share with you. The first is the picture to celebrate my first annual CHRISTMASPALOOZA!

Yah I know the picture has nothing to do with food but it’s just such a hilarious picture I couldn’t help myself. That is Spark, our middle kitty. He’s the bad one. He is the Son of Satan I swear. Tries to trip people on stairs, tackles any other animal in the house and sits on them with his massive body crushing them until they surrender. All that changed when we got little Malia. She is now the Demon Spawn and Spark runs in fear. Well, not really, he’s kind of too big to run anywhere. Let’s say he waddles to safety. Slowly. So this is the official kickoff folks. Hopefully I can give you at least half a dozen Christmas posts. Or more. See how it goes. One never knows around here. I swear living in the Bee household is like being in a soap opera. It is never dull.

So before I give you the cookies I have something else to show you. With a little story as always. I mean if you just wanted food you could go to Kraft Kitchens or The Food Network or a zillion other places. You read blogs because you like that connection with an actual person with actual stories to tell. And man I got alot of them. I do not however have good grammar. But I iz ok with dat, dersn’t buther me in ze lest. Okay so today’s story begins with, hm, wait a minute. Let’s do a picture story. That would be fun. Ready? O’tay!

Once upon a time there was a fair lady named Lunie. She had a pair of boots she loved and wore as slippers. She really wanted Uggs but bought these cheap boots from Avon instead as they were merely $25. She wore them everywhere.
She wore them so much and for so long that the soles fell off them. She didn’t care and continued to wear them anyway much to the embarrassment of all her loved ones.
Even the evil Demon Spawn of Satan was put off by her boots. Demon Spawn  took one look and one whiff and was not impressed.  
She walked away shaking her head and wondering how anyone could wear such sad looking boots. They even have hay from the barn stuck to the bottom. No wonder her family was so embarrassed.
Demon Spawn came back and begged the fair lady to get boots that don’t smell like horse’s ass.
Her disappointment was evident when she turned away and could not look at the fair lady any more.
Demon Spawn pleaded and begged and took a firm stance.
Demon Spawn reaches her breaking point and walks off in a huff.
Vowing never to return until the fair lady had boots that did not embarrass and humiliate her entire family. And that did not smell like ass.
So the fair lady musters up the courage to go out into the village in search of cheap slippers. She lucked out and found these ruby slippers for a mere $14.
Demon Spawn returns when she hears the rustling of a shopping bag in hopes of scoring a Timbit.
The look of delight and relief is amazing. Demon Spawn sees the fair lady’s new ruby slippers and cannot contain her excitement.
She runs over as fair lady shows off her new cheap ruby slippers.
They even have pretty pom poms on them, she is so happy.
Demon Spawn inspects them to make sure she approves and the new ruby slippers do not smell like ass.
She chomps down on them just to be sure.
She also discovers the red pom poms. She is delighted.
Then the realization that the fair lady will never get another moments peace to get anything done sets in.
The fair lady keeps her receipt in case she decides to return the Ruby Slippers.

The moral of this story….if you work for Uggs please take pity on me and send me some pretty boots. If you work for the cheap ass boot company, stop making them with pom poms so people with demon puppies can get their work done.


The end!


And now onto our regularly scheduled cookie post.

 

Checkerboard Cookies
 
A wonderful, but slightly complicated cookie to put together. Tastes fantastic and will impress all your friends and family if you can master these little things.
Author:
Recipe type: Dessert, Cookie, Holidays
Ingredients
  • ¾ cup butter, softened
  • 1¼ cups confectioners sugar
  • 1 large egg
  • 2¼ cups all purpose flour, divided
  • ¼ cup chopped and drained maraschino cherries
  • ¼ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1 egg white, lightly beaten
Instructions
  1. Step 1- Beat butter, sugar and egg in a large bowl at medium speed until creamy.
  2. Gradually beat in 2 cups of flour.
  3. Place 1 cup of dough in a separate bowl and set aside. This will be for your chocolate portion.
  4. In the other bowl stir in maraschino cherries and the remaining ¼ cup flour and mix. This is now your cherry portion.
  5. Divide your cherry portion in half.
  6. Wrap each piece with plastic wrap. Set in fridge for an hour.
  7. Step 2- Now add your cocoa powder to the remaining dough and blend well. This is now your chocolate portion.
  8. Divide chocolate portion in half.
  9. Roll each half into a 6 by 3 inch rectangle.
  10. Wrap each piece with plastic wrap and set in fridge for an hour.
  11. Step 3- Unwrap the dough.
  12. Brush the top of each chocolate portion with egg white. Lay the cherry portion on top of the chocolate portion.
  13. Wrap these back up with plastic and set in fridge for an hour.
  14. Step 4- Unwrap each stack.
  15. Cut each stack in half lengthwise to make 2 (6 by 1½ inch) strips.
  16. Brush the top of 1 strip with egg white, then lay the next stack on top making sure to alternate the colour.
  17. Wrap them up in plastic again and set in freezer for 30 minutes.
  18. Repeat this with the remaining stack.
  19. Step 5- Unwrap each stack.
  20. Cut each stack into 3 (6 by ½ inch) strips.
  21. Turn strips on their sides and brush with egg white.
  22. Now stack strips alternating colours.
  23. Wrap them up in plastic again and freeze for 30 minutes.
  24. Repeat this with the remaining stack.
  25. Step 6- Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
  26. Line baking sheets with parchment.
  27. Step 7- Using a sharp knife carefully cut stacks into ¼ inch slices.
  28. Place these on baking sheets on parchment.
  29. Pop the sheets in the oven for 10 to 12 minutes. Edges should be lightly browned.
  30. Let cool on pan for about 2 minutes.
  31. Remove from pans and cool completely on wire racks.
  32. Serve with a smile or in a nice Christmas tin as gifts.


Now these are the cookies I deemed unworthy for the Great Food Bloggers Cookie Swap. I just didn’t like the way they turned out. Not taste wise as they were bang on for taste. I just didn’t like the look of them. They did not line up quite right. So I axed them from the swap and we just ate them all up ourselves. Yup that is how we roll here at the Bee household. Super yummy cookies.

This pic above is the unedited version. I am getting better with the camera. Now if I could just keep the dang kitties out of my studio I’d be all set. The little hooligans leave stray hair everywhere. I had to axe some pics when I shockingly discovered a possible cat hair, we will from here on refer to as fuzz to save me huge embarrassment, in the shot while editing. I had no idea I could remove such things in editing until the lovely Ann from Cooking Healthy For Me offered to fix it for me. Her fixed pic is the first one at the very top. I had no clue I could do that. So the moral of this story is I may not be able to serve my guests cookies with possible pet hair in them but you my lovely public will never know which photos had them in there from here on out. Scary thought right. Aren’t ya glad you didn’t get these cookies in the mail now? *Laughs uncontrollably!* Only a lunatic would offer up this information to her fans. Yup, a real cl*ass* act if I do say so myself.

Toodles and smoochies! xx

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Comments

  1. 1

    ohhhhhhhh….
    so cute :)

  2. 2

    What a FUN story and the cookies are amazing! You certainly don't have a dull moment with your small zoo!

  3. 3

    Cookies look great, very pretty and elegant.

  4. 4
    Pegasuslegend says:

    I love this story… happy holidays to you your pooch is adorable!

  5. 5

    I get about 20 spam comments from UGG boots a week…too bad they don't hand out the boots as well as their links!

    The cookies are better than anything I could make. In fact, I have yet to even attempt checkerboard or ribbon cookies because I just KNOW they would not turn out and I don't want to add stress on purpose!

  6. 6
    scratch-made wife says:

    First off, I think those cookies look amazing. The checkerboard pattern impresses me. :) And second, I am in serious need of new slippers and saw really cute ones at the store last weekend ($10!) but put them back because I knew – I Just knew – the pompoms would not last in my house. Two brown dogs and pompoms do not mix.

  7. 7
    Christiane Potts says:

    Pompoms, huh? I don't think our cat would let me go two steps before she'd trip me up trying get them. I hope Santa Ugg is kind to you.

    I'd have accepted the cookies gladly, just so you know. I think they're fantastic.

  8. 8

    Dawwww, what cute boot-dog-picture series!

    I have no idea what you're talking about, crazy woman, your cookies look gorgeous!! I'm pretty sure I'd rid the world of them in, oh, 2 seconds :)

  9. 9

    @Anon- Thank you!

    @Ann- Lol, never dull. Always something happening. Thanks so much for your help removing the "fuzz". Lol!

    @Ambreen- Thank you so much.

    @Claudia- Thanks so much. She is a little cutie. But my goodness she is bad news. Lol!

    @Kristen- I don't get much spam but getting it from Uggs would be torture. Like rubbing my face in the fact I can't afford a pair. Lol. I hear ya, these cookies are wild to make. I was ready to toss them out the window part way through.

    @scratch made wife- Thanks so much. I have a feeling I shall be cutting the pom poms off soon. Between Malia and the kitties I'm going to end up in emergency…again.

    @Christiane- Lol, my kitties are now terrorizing me as well. I can't win. Santa Ugg got laid off so it's el cheapos for me. Lol! And thanks. You are sweet.

    @Kiri- Lol, I could not help myself, was in a silly mood. Thanks. They taste amazing. Even if they are crooked!

  10. 10
    janet@fromcupcakestocaviar says:

    I have to say… I would have guessed that doggies would prefer slippers that smell like ass. I mean, they lick their own crotches for petes sake. Stands to reason, ass is a favored scent profile. :-D

    Also, I want these cookies. And a Coke. Please mail me some. And a Coke. Not Pepsi.

    Third, I thought your original pictures from the other post of the other batch of these looked tasty as hell also… just thought I'd mention that. So please send them to me. With a Coke. Not Pepsi.

  11. 11
    Steve @ the black peppercorn says:

    You are a riot. That story killed me. Cute dog you got there. Our dog passed away a couple years ago and I have been wanting a new one ever since! Love the cookies BTW – they look perfect.

  12. 12

    @Janet- They like ass scent but not horse's ass. Much different, more lethal. No Coke for you wench, now get in the kitchen and make me some food and bring me a Pepsi. (I wonder how many people think we actually hate each other with these posts,lol)

    @Steve- Aw, thanks. I had a little too much caffeine yesterday. Our 14 year old sheltie died in April. He had a stroke and we had to put him down as he was in heart failure. Was so awful. By September I was missing having a dog so much I couldn't take it any more. So we got this little hooligan. I shall simply say research your breed choice. Lol. Terriers are so not like shelties.

  13. 13
    Cassie/Bake Your Day says:

    These cookies look fabulous, Kim. We should have traded!!

  14. 14
    Ruth Reynoso-Sance says:

    This post is hilarious! Lol! Those cookies look amazing!

  15. 15
    Stephanie @ Eat. Drink. Love. says:

    LOL at that story! These cookies do look yummy, but I see what you mean about them being a pain to make! For now, I am just going to enjoy your lovely pictures! :P

  16. 16

    The cookies look great and your story totally cracked me up. Seems like your ruby slippers may be pom pom free pretty soon here. :)

  17. 17
    Eating Deliciously says:

    Love the slippers and your demon puppy! These cookies look delicious and I really like the pop of color from the cherries.

  18. 18

    Those cookies are spectacular-looking! And it may be random, but I love the cat photo.

  19. 19
    TheChocolatePriestess says:

    Another set of cookies from the swap. Did anyone other than me make bars?

  20. 20
    Happy When Not Hungry says:

    Beautiful cookies! I've never tried baking checkerboard cookies before. Def have to try!

  21. 21

    @Cassie- Thanks my dear. I say if we don't get each other next year that we just send each other cookies anyway. Deal?

    @Ruth- Aw, thanks.

    @Stephanie- Thanks. Just don't look too hard or you'll see all the places they don't line up. Then I'll cry. Or sick demon spawn on ya.

    @S.V.- Thanks. And I think you may be right. I see scissors in my future.

    @Eating Deliciously- Thank you so much. You wanna adopt her. At this point I might pay someone to take her off my hands. Lol!

    Cucina- Thanks and lol. That Spark is quite a cat. He's as big as a house.

    @The Chocolate Priestess- Lol, I am sure someone did. I got some lovely whoopie pies. Not just any whoopie pies either, red velvet with peppermint cream. Omg. SO good.

    Happy When Not Hungry- Thank you. They are a pain in my rump.

  22. 22

    Hellloooo. I have questions about the recipe..you say add 1/4 cup of flour to the cherries; do you also add the one cup dough you separated? and the remaining dough is chocolate? I think thats what you meant @_@

  23. 23

    @Anonymous- Oh man I feel you, this recipe confused me to when I did it. Let me see if I can get this right for you.

    You will separate the initial dough into two pieces. One is set aside for the chocolate portion of the cookie. Then one is set aside for what will make the cherry portion.

    So now you have two bowls.

    Bowl #1 Chocolate Portion of the dough- Add the cocoa powder to this one. NO extra flour.

    Bowl #2 Cherry Portion of the dough- Add the 1/4 cup flour to this with the maraschinos. My thought is you need the extra flour in this one to help with the moisture from the cherries.

    That way you end up with one bowl of Cherry and one bowl of chocolate to put the two halves together. I really should make these again and do a step by step pictures as I know it's hard to follow. Does this help? You can hit me here or my email if you need more help. I can walk you through it if you need me.

  24. 24

    Ah thanks, I'm about to go try it out in the kitchen right now. I think I got it :D

  25. 25

    @Anonymous- I'm online for a couple hours so if you need any help let me know. You can hit me here or on my email. Good luck!

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