Some "life stuff" and a pesky health update!

Hi folks.

Just wanted to give my readers some updates about what's been happening around the asylum lately. So this is a "what's new" post. No recipes or pretty pictures of food today. I'll return to normal posts tomorrow. Today I  just wanted to touch base with you all and let you know how we're doing after the "vacation of doom". 

B-Dude is doing great out west. For those who are new B-Dude is my son. We drove him out to Alberta last month for school. He will be doing his PHD work out there. He's enjoying being out on his own. His apartment is totally cute, it's in an old building with wide hallways and arched doorways. He takes transit to school and is acclimating well to not having a car. I sent him his first care package and wish I had taken pics of it for you. I wrote things like "we miss you", "someone has been stealing stuff out of your room", and "your dad is wearing a really nice watch I don't think is his" all over the front of the package. When I dropped off care package #2 (what? he's been gone a month, who wouldn't have 2 in the can by now) the ladies in the post office were doubled over laughing at my antics. I told them I'm being a good mom, I figure it will help him meet people on the bus or train cuz seeing brightly coloured, embarrassing writing from someone's mom is a good conversation starter. See, I'm helping him. Right! I miss him something awful but  I can finally go in his room and not burst into tears immediately. So that's progress. He seems quite okay with being gone. Last week he went to Quebec to receive a writing award so he spent about 5 days there. I wanted to go visit so badly since he was a days drive but hubs has forbidden road trips till I'm recovered from the last one. Seriously... men! So he had to fly across Canada to save me recently. Big whoop! (*grins sheepishly*)

For those still wondering about mini-me's achilles injury...it's still injured. Not much change there. She finally has an appointment with the specialist on October 22nd so yah for progress. I tell you our Canuck health care may be considered "free" but it sure isn't "fast". She starts an anti-inflammatory so hopefully that will help with pain. She is having a hard time keeping up with 2 part time jobs and school so decisions need to be made. School is not optional so one of the jobs may have to go. She is still dating boytoy...I still adore boytoy...and now the rest of the family does as well. He came to B-Dude's going away party and wowed the rest of the family and close friends. I think mini-me was terrified of having him meet the family, the Bee's are a wild bunch but boytoy held his own. He's just as crazy as we are so he fits in nicely. If I can get permission I'll share some photos of him and B-Dude from the party later this week. Just make sure you aren't drinking liquids while reading that post. Just warning you all now, the photos are crazy, hilarious and a bit raunchy. No lie! The dudes got a little carried away. We'll see how much they're willing to share. Mini-me did her best to keep out of the limelight, as per usual. She's a mellow kind of chick. No idea where she gets that from.

As for me, I know many of you are wondering how I am and what in the H.E. double hockey sticks happened on our "vacation of doom". So here's the lowdown. The first 3 or 4 days went fabulously, I felt great and we had a blast. Somewhere around day 4 my tummy was acting up a bit. We arrived in Calgary and stayed about 6 days. My sis and her hubby came over from B.C. to help us pick up furniture and get B-Dude settled. By that point my tummy was out of control. I almost lost my mind and other things in the Ikea elevator at one point, and spent about 2 hours doubled over in their loo. Yah, always fun. By the time our last day rolled around I knew something was off, I was severely dehydrated and my tummy was raging. We went to Banff anyway, and it was a complicated and limited trip due to my issues. At that point I had called hubs, who was back at home working, and told him I was having some issues driving, I was getting tired which for me is odd. So we decided we would stay an extra day and just relax. We figured a quiet day was all I needed. The next morning we said our goodbyes to B-Dude and hit the road. By the time we got to Saskatchewan I knew something was seriously wrong. We tried to take a day off again but this time I was in a ton of pain and unable to function. I called hubs and told him what was going on. He was on a plane by the time I called back to say it's okay, I'm sure I'm fine. I somehow managed to drive the 2 hours to the city to be closer to the airport. I look back and am grateful I didn't hurt anyone driving in the condition I was in. Hubs arrived late that night and by morning we were off, me still pretending I was okay. I tried to lie down in the car and then immediately sat up and burst into tears which for me is weird, not typically a crying kind of gal. I was hyperventilating, saying something like "I don't know what's wrong with me". I think at that point I blacked out and next thing I knew we were at the hospital. They hit me with morphine, and ran tests. I was highly medicated for the trip home, hubs drove and I have no recollection of any of it. I have photos I took, clothes I bought, a stuffed unicorn I picked up but no memory of any of it. Apparently I had been going on and on for days to everyone who would listen about fluffy pillows and stuffed unicorns. I was a hot mess.

So the verdict from the hospital and follow up thus far is that my nodding off while driving was caused by extreme dehydration and bp issues from the elevation, also they said something about exhaustion. The pain was caused by diverticulitis. I was unaware I had diverticulitis. I've had IBS for over 18 years so I just thought I was having a wicked attack. I am waiting to see my gastro guy, but let's be honest here, I may wait months. Canadian wait lists are brutal. So until then I am trying new medications and experimenting with diet. The first 2 weeks at home have been hard. I now have anxiety attacks when I go out. The trip has killed my confidence to lead a semi-normal life. My tummy gives me anxiety, my anxiety agitates my tummy, and so on and so on. It's a vicious cycle. I think the memory lapses and not knowing what happened was really weighing heavy on me. Now that I know what happened I feel a little less crazy. Of course I was anxious about not finding a loo in time, it was a realistic problem. Somehow knowing that is helping.

Anyhow, it's nice to have some sort of idea what went wrong. I think it was a bit of a snowball effect. I felt dehydrated so I drank more water, which lead to more tummy issues, which lead to more dehydration. I was trying to eat 3 meals a day which my body doesn't do well, so I figured fruit was safe. Turns out fruit agitates diverticulitis. I normally cook everything from scratch, and we were eating out and lots of processed food. Processed food agitates diverticulitis. I think it was just a cumulative thing. I look back now and all the pieces of the puzzle are starting to fit together.

For now I'm just trying to move forward. I'm trying to step out of the house without having a breakdown. I'm trying to change my diet and my lifestyle. I figure if life wants to give me a big old wakeup call I should probably answer it. At the time I honestly thought I was having a stroke, and even wrote notes to my kids and hubs. Pretty scary when you write notes that start with "if I don't wake up". I've had to spend loads of time lying in bed recovering, which has lead to loads of time to think. Looking inward is tough folks. Questioning your decisions and your lifestyle is a brutal thing. I mean really looking at yourself and being honest about it all. Body image, lifestyle, health, relationship to food, relationships with people, relationship with oneself, money, time, and just the age old question of "am I living my life in a way I can proud of". When you have to think too hard about this you know the answer is going to be heartbreaking. I'm super proud of myself as a mom. As a caregiver I rock but caring for myself has never been my strength. Beyond the mom stuff my life feels out of control. All of it. Health, relationships, money. So now comes the time where I can either face my demons or continue my path. But continuing the same path will just lead to the same destination which I'm not okay with any more.

So...what does this all mean. It means you may see some changes on the blog. Am I going to become a tofu eating, iron man competitor tomorrow? Well, probably not. But there is a need for some changes. So I hope you bear with me while I adjust my lifestyle over the next few months. I still cannot eat whole wheat so that won't change. I'll still have cheat days once a week plus a hungry family to feed so there will still be some decadence here and there. But overall some healthier options will be added. You may hear me bitch and complain as I adjust to working out more seriously. I can assure you the tone of the blog won't change. I attack everything in my life with the same sense of humour. While it's been hard to see the funny in this situation I am quite certain as time passes I will be able to laugh about all this one day soon. It's how I cope.

There it is folks. I'm not perfect. My house is a mess. My body is a mess. My life is a mess. And my vacation was a mess. Life ain't always pretty or perfect. Learning to let go and not give a crap about the dishes in the sink or the cat hair on the carpet is hard. Laying in bed to rest instead of doing laundry just about drives me to drink, but I know it's what I need to do. And here's the thing... the honest truth about it all. My problems are tiny compared to a ton of people out there with bigger problems. So it's "suck it up buttercup" time. No moping, just moving on.

Okay this is was a wordy post. I apologize and promise scrumptious food tomorrow. For now I thought I'd share one of my favourite places we visited on our vacation. The Badlands are magical and I have such fond memories of going there with my own folks when I was a kid. This is the second time I've taken my kids. But this is the first time we've seen wild horses. The absolute highlight of my trip was seeing these majestic animals. I could have watched them all day. And pretty much did!

Toodles and smoochies! xx