Hi folks.
Just wanted to give my readers some updates about what's been happening around the asylum lately. So this is a "what's new" post. No recipes or pretty pictures of food today. I'll return to normal posts tomorrow. Today I just wanted to touch base with you all and let you know how we're doing after the "vacation of doom".
B-Dude is doing great out west. For those who are new B-Dude is my son. We drove him out to Alberta last month for school. He will be doing his PHD work out there. He's enjoying being out on his own. His apartment is totally cute, it's in an old building with wide hallways and arched doorways. He takes transit to school and is acclimating well to not having a car. I sent him his first care package and wish I had taken pics of it for you. I wrote things like "we miss you", "someone has been stealing stuff out of your room", and "your dad is wearing a really nice watch I don't think is his" all over the front of the package. When I dropped off care package #2 (what? he's been gone a month, who wouldn't have 2 in the can by now) the ladies in the post office were doubled over laughing at my antics. I told them I'm being a good mom, I figure it will help him meet people on the bus or train cuz seeing brightly coloured, embarrassing writing from someone's mom is a good conversation starter. See, I'm helping him. Right! I miss him something awful but I can finally go in his room and not burst into tears immediately. So that's progress. He seems quite okay with being gone. Last week he went to Quebec to receive a writing award so he spent about 5 days there. I wanted to go visit so badly since he was a days drive but hubs has forbidden road trips till I'm recovered from the last one. Seriously... men! So he had to fly across Canada to save me recently. Big whoop! (*grins sheepishly*)
For those still wondering about mini-me's achilles injury...it's still injured. Not much change there. She finally has an appointment with the specialist on October 22nd so yah for progress. I tell you our Canuck health care may be considered "free" but it sure isn't "fast". She starts an anti-inflammatory so hopefully that will help with pain. She is having a hard time keeping up with 2 part time jobs and school so decisions need to be made. School is not optional so one of the jobs may have to go. She is still dating boytoy...I still adore boytoy...and now the rest of the family does as well. He came to B-Dude's going away party and wowed the rest of the family and close friends. I think mini-me was terrified of having him meet the family, the Bee's are a wild bunch but boytoy held his own. He's just as crazy as we are so he fits in nicely. If I can get permission I'll share some photos of him and B-Dude from the party later this week. Just make sure you aren't drinking liquids while reading that post. Just warning you all now, the photos are crazy, hilarious and a bit raunchy. No lie! The dudes got a little carried away. We'll see how much they're willing to share. Mini-me did her best to keep out of the limelight, as per usual. She's a mellow kind of chick. No idea where she gets that from.
As for me, I know many of you are wondering how I am and what in the H.E. double hockey sticks happened on our "vacation of doom". So here's the lowdown. The first 3 or 4 days went fabulously, I felt great and we had a blast. Somewhere around day 4 my tummy was acting up a bit. We arrived in Calgary and stayed about 6 days. My sis and her hubby came over from B.C. to help us pick up furniture and get B-Dude settled. By that point my tummy was out of control. I almost lost my mind and other things in the Ikea elevator at one point, and spent about 2 hours doubled over in their loo. Yah, always fun. By the time our last day rolled around I knew something was off, I was severely dehydrated and my tummy was raging. We went to Banff anyway, and it was a complicated and limited trip due to my issues. At that point I had called hubs, who was back at home working, and told him I was having some issues driving, I was getting tired which for me is odd. So we decided we would stay an extra day and just relax. We figured a quiet day was all I needed. The next morning we said our goodbyes to B-Dude and hit the road. By the time we got to Saskatchewan I knew something was seriously wrong. We tried to take a day off again but this time I was in a ton of pain and unable to function. I called hubs and told him what was going on. He was on a plane by the time I called back to say it's okay, I'm sure I'm fine. I somehow managed to drive the 2 hours to the city to be closer to the airport. I look back and am grateful I didn't hurt anyone driving in the condition I was in. Hubs arrived late that night and by morning we were off, me still pretending I was okay. I tried to lie down in the car and then immediately sat up and burst into tears which for me is weird, not typically a crying kind of gal. I was hyperventilating, saying something like "I don't know what's wrong with me". I think at that point I blacked out and next thing I knew we were at the hospital. They hit me with morphine, and ran tests. I was highly medicated for the trip home, hubs drove and I have no recollection of any of it. I have photos I took, clothes I bought, a stuffed unicorn I picked up but no memory of any of it. Apparently I had been going on and on for days to everyone who would listen about fluffy pillows and stuffed unicorns. I was a hot mess.
So the verdict from the hospital and follow up thus far is that my nodding off while driving was caused by extreme dehydration and bp issues from the elevation, also they said something about exhaustion. The pain was caused by diverticulitis. I was unaware I had diverticulitis. I've had IBS for over 18 years so I just thought I was having a wicked attack. I am waiting to see my gastro guy, but let's be honest here, I may wait months. Canadian wait lists are brutal. So until then I am trying new medications and experimenting with diet. The first 2 weeks at home have been hard. I now have anxiety attacks when I go out. The trip has killed my confidence to lead a semi-normal life. My tummy gives me anxiety, my anxiety agitates my tummy, and so on and so on. It's a vicious cycle. I think the memory lapses and not knowing what happened was really weighing heavy on me. Now that I know what happened I feel a little less crazy. Of course I was anxious about not finding a loo in time, it was a realistic problem. Somehow knowing that is helping.
Anyhow, it's nice to have some sort of idea what went wrong. I think it was a bit of a snowball effect. I felt dehydrated so I drank more water, which lead to more tummy issues, which lead to more dehydration. I was trying to eat 3 meals a day which my body doesn't do well, so I figured fruit was safe. Turns out fruit agitates diverticulitis. I normally cook everything from scratch, and we were eating out and lots of processed food. Processed food agitates diverticulitis. I think it was just a cumulative thing. I look back now and all the pieces of the puzzle are starting to fit together.
For now I'm just trying to move forward. I'm trying to step out of the house without having a breakdown. I'm trying to change my diet and my lifestyle. I figure if life wants to give me a big old wakeup call I should probably answer it. At the time I honestly thought I was having a stroke, and even wrote notes to my kids and hubs. Pretty scary when you write notes that start with "if I don't wake up". I've had to spend loads of time lying in bed recovering, which has lead to loads of time to think. Looking inward is tough folks. Questioning your decisions and your lifestyle is a brutal thing. I mean really looking at yourself and being honest about it all. Body image, lifestyle, health, relationship to food, relationships with people, relationship with oneself, money, time, and just the age old question of "am I living my life in a way I can proud of". When you have to think too hard about this you know the answer is going to be heartbreaking. I'm super proud of myself as a mom. As a caregiver I rock but caring for myself has never been my strength. Beyond the mom stuff my life feels out of control. All of it. Health, relationships, money. So now comes the time where I can either face my demons or continue my path. But continuing the same path will just lead to the same destination which I'm not okay with any more.
So...what does this all mean. It means you may see some changes on the blog. Am I going to become a tofu eating, iron man competitor tomorrow? Well, probably not. But there is a need for some changes. So I hope you bear with me while I adjust my lifestyle over the next few months. I still cannot eat whole wheat so that won't change. I'll still have cheat days once a week plus a hungry family to feed so there will still be some decadence here and there. But overall some healthier options will be added. You may hear me bitch and complain as I adjust to working out more seriously. I can assure you the tone of the blog won't change. I attack everything in my life with the same sense of humour. While it's been hard to see the funny in this situation I am quite certain as time passes I will be able to laugh about all this one day soon. It's how I cope.
There it is folks. I'm not perfect. My house is a mess. My body is a mess. My life is a mess. And my vacation was a mess. Life ain't always pretty or perfect. Learning to let go and not give a crap about the dishes in the sink or the cat hair on the carpet is hard. Laying in bed to rest instead of doing laundry just about drives me to drink, but I know it's what I need to do. And here's the thing... the honest truth about it all. My problems are tiny compared to a ton of people out there with bigger problems. So it's "suck it up buttercup" time. No moping, just moving on.
Okay this is was a wordy post. I apologize and promise scrumptious food tomorrow. For now I thought I'd share one of my favourite places we visited on our vacation. The Badlands are magical and I have such fond memories of going there with my own folks when I was a kid. This is the second time I've taken my kids. But this is the first time we've seen wild horses. The absolute highlight of my trip was seeing these majestic animals. I could have watched them all day. And pretty much did!
Toodles and smoochies! xx
kitchenriffs
Wow. Terrific, absorbing, sometimes frightening post. You totally rock. Good luck with your demons, and we'll all be interested in seeing where you take your blog. Anything you do is fine by me - you have a really interesting writing voice, and that's why I'm here (well, your sense of humor is totally cool, too, and you do have some amazing recipes). You're going to amaze us, I know.
Kim Bee
Awe thanks John. It was a truly frightening experience. Nothing worse than being stranded in another province with one of your munchkins knowing you need medical help. Was really awful.
You are so sweet, I am so happy to hear you like my voice. I tend to always question myself when it comes to how "me" I am on here. I just tend to go for it and be myself. So it makes my day to hear people like that.
Still adjusting. I cannot wait to start tackling new recipes from a different perspective. Right now there's just a lot of resting. Driving me mad.
The Mom Chef
Ah, Dudely, I'm so, so sorry....about all of it. Hubby suffers from IBS so I can't imagine how it is amplified but a bunch. I'm all for the healthy foods. I've been losing a fair amount of weight regularly just from the healthier cooking through some of the magazines. Anyhow, you know I'll be here no matter what you do. And, I'll be saying prayers for you.
Kim Bee
Thanks my dear. The good news is I'm getting better and almost ready to head back into the kitchen. I've had some good days with the occasion bad one in the mix. But the pain is so much less than the initial attack so I'm grateful for that. I see my gastro specialist in November so super happy about that. Hopefully he can shed some light on how I balance two illnesses with conflicting diets. Going to be an interesting journey.
Anita at Hungry Couple
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. All I can say is to wish you well on your journey to get where you will be proud to be. One step at a time, one day at a time.
Kim Bee
Thanks Anita. I was hesitant to be so honest but you know me, it's how I roll. I am sure this will all work out for the best. If nothing else I now know why I was so sick even before we left. I really just thought my ibs had finally driven me insane. So relieved I'm not crazy. Well, more crazy. Thanks for all your support. I appreciate it so much.
Baker Becky
Life can be messy for sure....just know that you have many blog-o-verse friends out here who care and are happy to let you rant and let it all go! We all need to do that sometimes, it's that or we explode! Glad you are on the road to figuring it all out....make sure to take good care of yourself! 🙂
Kim Bee
Thanks my dear. I always worry about scaring people off talking about health. I am so happy to have support. It makes it easier to go forward.
Kim Bee
Hey lady, I tried to comment on your blog but the captcha is not allowing me to leave it. So this is what I wanted to say on your orange chicken:
"I love this type of dish. Orange with chicken is fabulous. I love that you involve the kids in planning the menu. That's really awesome."
Jen @ Juanita's Cocina
*muah* Thinking of you. That is all.
Kim Bee
Thanks my dear. Muah right back at ya. xx
Kayle (The Cooking Actress)
Oh you poor poor thing! That sounds awful! You do what you need to do to feel better and be healthy, I'll be here reading no matter what <3 🙂
Kim Bee
Thanks Kayle. I'm getting better every day so there's progress. Thanks so much for being so sweet and supportive.
Choc Chip Uru
Life may not always be perfect but its the little positives which uplift us all - take it one day at a time and with your personality and attitude, I know it will be ok.
Hugs
Uru
Kim Bee
You are so right. I love your attitude. Thanks for the support Uru. You are a treasure to have as a friend. xx
Maureen | Orgasmic Chef
Isn't it good to know what's wrong and that it's going to be treatable whenever that happens. MUCH better than not knowing and stressing about a gazillion things it could be.
Take good care of yourself. Meditate, breathe deeply, rest and laugh. 🙂
Kim Bee
Love knowing what's wrong. I honestly thought I was losing my mind. Like more than usual. So it's nice to have answers. Now I can move forward.
Thanks for the advice and the support Maureen. xx
Charlie
Morning Kim!
Honey I'm sorry you are going through all this.
I'm praying for health, clarity of mind, and for wise decisions.
You can do this Kim. Keep your mind on the important things, and go from there.
Have a Joyful Day :~D
Charlie
Kim Bee
Hi Charlie. So nice to hear from you. I am so appreciative of your support, it means the world to me.
Wise words my friend. I shall follow your advice. xx
Isabelle @ Crumb
Before I say anything else, I need to get this out of the way:
**HUUUUUUUUUUGS**
Seriously. We're all less than perfect (and god forbid, most of us will never even get close, no matter how hard we try), but it's all about knowing what you're willing to live with and what will hurt you in the long run.
I'm glad to hear you're doing better, and are working on a plan to make sure you stay better. Just remember to cheat and have a Turtle every once in a while, k? 🙂
(PS: I still think you're the shiznit, regardless of what kind of food you're posting about... so bring on the carrot sticks and hummus!)
(PPS: If you need someone to moan at, email me. Anytime. I mean it.)
Kim Bee
Thanks Izzy. I appreciate the hugs and the words of wisdom. Turtles will stay be had, just a little less often. Lol.
I am beyond happy to hear you think I'm the shiznit cuz I feel the same way about you.
I shall send an email when I need to scream and vent. And hopefully I can still make the trek to Toronto some time this fall.
Stacy
So glad to hear that you are doing better. No matter how hard it is to just "be," sometimes that's what our bodies need us to do.
Your photographs are beautiful. I have never traveled to that part of Canada but now it's on my list.
Stacy
Kim Bee
It's been hard just chilling but I know it's what I need to do.
Thanks. That's actually in North Dakota. They spread through South Dakota, North Dakota and part of Canada. My fave place to see them is actually in South Dakota but that's our route when we go farther to B.C.
Stefanie @ Sarcastic Cooking
Wow! What a "vacation." It is good that you finally have answers, even though it probably wasn't the answer you were wanting or expecting. One of my family members has diverticulitis. It takes time to adjust but once you get the new diet down it will be manageable. Praying for the best for you and your fam!
Kim Bee
It was a whirlwind. The upside is we had so much fun until I got sick. It's an odd illness. The diet flies in the face of my ibs diet so I just need to work it out. I am doing so much better already though. So there's hope. Glad to know your family member is coping with it. I hope to be a success story one day.
mellissa@ibreatheimhungry
Inspiring as always Kim Bee! We love ya and will support whatever direction you take - here's hoping you feel better (about everything) soon! I know you can do anything you put your mind to!
Kim Bee
Thanks my love. I am so happy to have your support. I am adjusting, just more slowly than I anticipated. But I'm sure in time I'll feel better over time.
Susan
ugh, I'm so sorry you had to go through everything. Wait sucks, but at least you know what is wrong. Change is not easy, nor fun, but know it is good for you and you will feel better in the end. Thinking good thoughts!
Kim Bee
Thanks Susan. I feel lucky it wasn't worse after reading up on the illness. I am happy to finally have some answers as to why I've been so sick. I look forward to the new challenges ahead. I'm doing well eating meals now, even having breakfast. So I'm making huge progress. And thanks so much for being supportive. It means the world to me. xx
Becky
Kim,
Sorry to hear about your dietary challenges. Take care of yourself, and just go one day at a time and things will work our for you.
Kim Bee
Thanks Becky. I am going day by day right now. The upside is my good days are far outweighing my bad days again so that's significant progress. Thank you so much for the support and well wishes. It means so much to me.
Liz
Oh, Kim B, it's time for you to take care of you! Moms seem to put everyone else first...I know how that goes. Thanks for being so candid about your experience...hoping your diet changes will help and the anxiety will lessen.
PS...my parents honeymooned in the Badlands!
Kim Bee
Thanks Liz. I am getting better so I'm hopeful my life returns to normal soon. The hardest part is the anxiety but I've forgone meds for it until I think I am coping semi okay first on my own. I'm open to using them but not until I see if I can go through life without them first. So far it's going okay. I talked to the doc about a double duty anxiety/pain med that works amazing for ibs/tummy pain. I used it years ago and it helps a ton. So I may try that next week and see how I feel. I questioned how honest to be but I just need to be me and put it all out there. I always worry it will scare off readers to read about health stuff all the time. But it's my life and what's I'm going through so it is what it is.
That is so cool. I love the place. I tend to prefer South Dakota over North Dakota but we saved time this way.
Hoping to still go to whipped but there's been more weirdness on the life front so we'll see. I'll try to email you this week about it. xx
Ramona
Dear Kim, I knew it was bad... but boy was it really bad!! I hope you really take a break and recover (I know that's hard for us Moms). We always put ourselves last and right now that's not an option for you. You will still be a great Mom, wife and blogger... just take care and rest... get better and come back stronger than ever! I am looking forward to your new outlook in the kitchen. It will all be wonderful. I'm glad you are okay and life/health woes have not taken away your sense of humor. Take it easy my friend. ~ Ramona
Kim Bee
Yup, no fun once I got sick. Up until then we were having a blast.
I am doing okay resting. To be honest I'm almost sick of it. Who knew resting in bed would get...boring. lol.
Thanks so much for your continued support Ramona. I adore you. xx
Lora @cakeduchess
You must have been very frightened and I am happy you are ok. Thanks for this update, sweet Kim. Thinking of you and I know you can do it. xxoo
Kim Bee
I was pretty freaked out by the time we hit Saskatchewan. Not gonna lie. Being stranded with a kiddo who doesn't drive is a worry. I kept thinking if I went to the hospital she would be stranded. So happy my hubs got on a plane.
Thanks for your support Lora. I really appreciate it. I feel blessed having such supportive and caring friends.
Abby
I'm so glad you're okay, what an ordeal. We're here to be your cheering team. Hang in there.
Kim Bee
Thanks so much Abby. I am so happy to have such an amazing support system.
Dara
Wow. I am so sad to hear about the vacation of doom but I'm thrilled to hear that you are embarking on a new path. Take care of yourself - it sounds like a lot of people (including all your blog friends) need you healthy.
Side note: The Badlands is on my vacation bucket list - I am so jealous you've been twice AND seen wild horses. AMAZING
Kim Bee
Thanks Dara. I am so lucky to have such an amazing support system in my life. I feel really fortunate.
You have to go. It's freaking amazing. I've actually been quite a few times in my life, and I rather like the view from South over North. But I have to say seeing the horses was freaking incredible. A once in a lifetime opportunity. Needless to say I hung out there for far too long.